


Déjà Vu

by skittykitty



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Character Study, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Maybe angst, Murder, Reunions, Unreliable Narrator, i accidentally put a ton of headcanons in here, im not sure, just a lil, see if you can spot them all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28644351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittykitty/pseuds/skittykitty
Summary: Ashfur would finally be brave. He would have the kind of bravery Hawkfrost held— the kind of selflessness Hollyleaf possessed.He would be everything they had thought of him, for one day only. Then, he could go back to the coward, the monster.Ashfur stepped into the Dark Forest with his head high.He needed to find Hollyleaf, because if he didn’t… if he didn’t, what was the point, really?Ashfur is in Starclan and on the hunt for someone just like him. He finds her in the most unlikely of places.
Relationships: Ashfur (ThunderClan) & Hawkfrost (Warriors), Ashfur (ThunderClan) & Hollyleaf (Warriors)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Déjà Vu

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this all in a few days and it was a ton of fun!! I hope you enjoy!!

Somehow, after everything, he was allowed into Starclan. After helping Hawkfrost— after everything he had done to _Squirrelflight—_ why did they let him in? No one here even _wanted_ him there, they all whispered _you should be ashamed._

_You shouldn’t be here._

Ashfur didn’t care for their opinions, they were _dead._ When had their opinions ever mattered in the first place? Why did leaders and medicine cats care so much about some dead cats’ opinions?

It was inane and stupid.

But, then again, so were all of his own decisions. He had been motivated by a need for revenge— a need to get away from _her._

He couldn’t leave the clan, but he _could_ get rid of everyone who had hurt him. That desire led to his team-up with Hawkfrost (which Starclan _must_ have seen) and the loss of one of Firestar’s lives. 

Ashfur had been there— hiding, _watching—_ watching as his only friend was murdered by his own brother. Brambleclaw didn’t even seem to regret it in the slightest.

Maybe he didn’t matter to Starclan— maybe they _forgot—_ maybe they wanted Firestar to lose that life.

But— that didn’t explain why they had allowed him into Starclan.

(Maybe nothing would.)

Was it simply the fact that he had been _murdered?_

He had died ages ago. Life moved on— Hollyleaf had gone insane in those tunnels. Not that most of Starclan had known. He’d only known because of—

Because he had followed her everywhere. Been there as she condemned her family _(following in his footsteps)_ , and was thusly buried alive in the tunnels.

Unlike the rest of Starclan, he had stayed beside her, even when Fallen Leaves helped her. Even if the spirit never acknowledged him, he was there, beside his murderer every step of her recovery.

They were alike, the two of them. Scorned by society, while also constantly being held back by it. Starclan wanted him _out,_ yet refused to let him go to the Dark Forest. 

No one wanted their parentage told to the public, but here was the living proof of Squirrelflight’s sister’s misdeeds. No one wanted a half-blood cat, but everyone wanted the child of a prophecy.

A constant state of hated and loved— except for the fact that she wasn’t a part of the prophecy. Not that any Clan cat would know.

But that time was long past. 

Hollyleaf was dead now, and to date, her trial was the only one he had ever attended.

_“Why do you wish to condemn Jayfeather and Lionblaze’s sister to the Dark Forest?”_

She had done many things wrong in her life.

_“She killed a clanmate… she broke the warrior code. If we do not hold her to the code, why are we here?”_

But why was he the only one to argue for her side?

With one cat versus all of Starclan, how could he have won?

With pleas of—

_“I was terrible and you let me in.”_

_“You only let me in because she killed me.”_

_“I deserved it.”_

— how could he have won?

It had been at least a moon since Starclan’s decision, stupid as it was.

Ashfur would finally be brave. He would have the kind of bravery Hawkfrost held— the kind of selflessness Hollyleaf possessed. 

He would be everything they had thought of him, for one day only. Then, he could go back to the coward, the monster.

Ashfur stepped into the Dark Forest with his head high.

_The Dark Forest is vast— you’ll never find anyone alive in there._

He needed to find Hollyleaf, because if he didn’t… if he didn’t, what was the point, really?

Everyone hated him.

Soon enough Squirrelflight would die and invade the one place he could be alone, and he would be _nothing._

He would be a specter— a memory others were warned away from. If this didn’t work— well, he might as well just die right there.

Ashfur would spend an eternity searching if he had to. 

And, eventually, he did stumble upon a stray soul.

 _“Who are you?”_ A whisper echoed, though the cat’s mouth never so much as twitched. _“Why are you here?”_

The brown tabby had his throat torn open, while his green eyes were dull. Ashfur tilted his head, ears angling towards the other.

“Ashfur,” he murmured. The wound seemed old but somehow fresh as well. Blood trailed down the tom’s once-white chest. “I’m here… to visit some old friends.”

_“Who?”_

“Hawkfrost.” Some spark entered the other’s frame as they shuddered. “Who are you?”

The other began to walk away, his tail slowly moving back and forth. _“Beetlewhisker.”_

“Why should I follow you?”

 _“What else is there to do?”_ With that, Ashfur began to slowly follow behind the tom, keeping an eye on their surroundings.

Slowly, they began to approach a more open area. Where before the woods were clumped together, now there was enough room to truly move between them. 

_“Wait here.”_ Beetlewhisker walked towards a blood-red river, crossing it with ease. As he left, Ashfur wondered if this was all some trick.

_“Bramblestar was able to corner his brother.”_

Maybe what was left of the Dark Forest would use him as bait. (Starclan would never try to save him in the first place.)

_“Hawkfrost is dead.”_

Hopes were useless when one was dead. Hope was what kept him looking at Squirrelflight, moons after she had rejected him.

Hope was what had brought him here.

Hope could break him into pieces.

It felt like an eternity passed until Beetlewhisker returned. 

An eternity before he was able to see those ice-blue eyes again.

He could see the surprise in his friend’s eyes— the fragile hope— as they ran towards one another. His paws hitting the ground, the wind blowing past his fur— none of that _mattered_ now. Not now, not when he was finally able to touch Hawkfrost again.

“I thought you were dead,” Ashfur murmured. “That Bramblestar had caught you.” He lifted his head to nuzzle against Hawkfrost’s jaw.

The other laughed, a croak compared to his once boisterous and booming laughter. “He did, but my idiot brother let me go. He said something like, _‘you’re still my brother, and I can’t bear to do that to you’_.” He sighed. “He’s always been weak like that.”

Ashfur breathed in his friend’s scent. “I’m glad.”

“I’m glad, too.” Hawkfrost stared down at him. “But how did you trick Starclan?”

Ashfur stepped back, “I didn't. They tricked themselves.” 

Hawkfrost smiled. “Oh, it was because you were murdered?” With a grimace, Hawkfrost stared at his chest. “Of course.”

“No,” he defended. “She’s— she’s like their failure. She was supposed to be one of the three, and now here she is— hidden away from anyone who could hold them accountable.”

Hawkfrost looked at him for a long moment.

“You didn’t come to see me, did you?”

A flicker of betrayal in his best friend's eyes.

“No.”

“Okay.” There was pain in his grimace, but also a degree of acceptance. An acceptance that no one would ever love him without selfishness clouding them. Not his mother, not Mothwing, not Tigerstar, and especially not Ashfur. “I’ll take you to her.”

Silence reigned as they walked. This was different than being with Beetlewhisker, with Beetlewhisker there was nothing to say. No excuses to make, no apologies to say.

_I’m sorry I didn’t come to help you._

_I’ve hated myself for moons because of what happened._

_I would have joined the Dark Forest, but you never gave me a chance._

But, no matter what, he would always be a coward.

Eventually, Hawkfrost came to a stop.

“She hates this place.” And there she was— sat at the edge of the Dark Forest, looking out to Starclan’s lands. The one place she would never be welcome. “Come back if you want to talk again.”

Hawkfrost bent down, licking Ashfur’s shoulder before departing. 

Hollyleaf stood alone, as she always had. Her brothers abandoned her, her clan forgot about her… and Fallen Leaves had let her walk to her death.

In her final moments, she was alone.

All she was left with was the sight of all of her family— knowing they were there, _alive,_ and had wanted her in the Dark Forest. Thoughts of _them_ ran through his mind.

_“Whitestorm is the only reason they let you into Starclan, Ashfur.”_

His mother— slaughtered as she had been by Tigerstar— his father, and all of his siblings. They all avoided him like he could do _anything_ to them.

_“Family is forever, son. Even after everything… I still love you.”_

Green eyes stared at him from across the forest. “Ashfur.” Her legs shook as she slowly approached him. “Have you come to mock me— you, the real monster, a Starclan cat” — A sob ripped out of her — “and… and _me._ Why did they believe in _your_ good but not _mine?”_

Ashfur stood still as she screamed at him. With desperation in her eyes, begging him to give her an answer, she collapsed to the ground. As she wailed, struggling as if she were a newborn, blood dripped from her neck. Claw marks ravaged her throat. (If he had gone to the Dark Forest he would have the same pains.)

“I’m not here to mock you.” He could barely look at her— barely watch as she survived purely on anger and spite. Things that he had lost in Starclan.

Maybe he was being punished like he should have been, slowly being removed from everything that had once fueled him. His hatred for Squirrelflight had simmered into trepidation for the day he would have to see her again. Old obsessions became nothing in Starclan.

“I want to help you, Hollyleaf.” 

She scoffed, “You don’t want to help me. You’re only here to help yourself.” 

Ashfur smiled, his eyes hard as steel. “Why would I ever help someone?” He sighed. “Of course I want something, darling. _Wouldn’t you?”_

Her eyes narrowed, but thankfully she didn’t argue any longer. “What is it?”

Dark blue eyes looked to the grounds of Starclan behind her. He smiled with a dash of bitterness in his eyes. “You want to leave the Dark Forest.”

She stayed silent from her place on the ground. _She’s pathetic,_ an old part of himself screamed. An old, angry cat who wanted everyone to suffer as he did. 

“I… I would like to help you, in any way I can.”

Hollyleaf laughed, something broken and lost. “Help me?” She scoffed. “I’m in The Place of No Stars, Ashfur. I can’t leave.”

For the first time since he died, his smile met his eyes. It was bittersweet, watching all of her anger and hate. 

(It would be gone soon.)

“I know.” 

“Then how do you suggest I _leave?”_ Her claws dug into the dirt.

“Spirits are gone forever after they die a second time,” he muttered. Hollyleaf stared at him, interest in her eyes.

“I… I don’t understand.” Her voice was weak, filled with a mix of hope and terror. “You… you’re offering… to kill me.”

“Is this life better than simply ending it all?”

Hollyleaf stared down at the ground, her decision made.

* * *

Hawkfrost saw his old friend return after a long time with the she-cat. He smiled, enjoying the simplicity of existing with Ashfur.

Life was easier with others.

(Everyone was gone—)

For now, he could pretend everything was perfect. That his father was still here, that Ivypool hadn’t betrayed him, _that his mother would never enter Starclan._

“Hawkfrost,” the other murmured, tucking paws coated in blood below his stomach. “I’m not going back to Starclan.”

Grinning, Hawkfrost laid his head on top of Ashfur’s. “I missed you.”

With a chuckle, they laid beside one another, simply appreciating the peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! You can find me on my [tumblr](https://skitter-kitteruwu.tumblr.com/) where you can pester me to finish half-thought out ideas and scream to me about fics!!


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